Help! Help! Bob Barker

So, it is Super bowl Sunday morning and I and the baby, who is strapped to my hip via the sling, are whipping up our version of banana bread. As the flour dust flies through the air the love of my life wanders through the kitchen from the workshop. Pausing, he peers out the window. With a scrunched up peculiar look on his face he turns to me and says "Hey, what are those dogs across the street doing?"

I make my way to the front picture window and look out at the street below. With the frigid white snow as a background, near the leftover holiday nativity, I wince as I see two dogs that appear to be stuck together. Stuck together in a very unholy way, and one is heading east and the other west. "yeww", escapes my lips as I too wonder aloud what are you supposed to do in this situation. My husband and I both agree we that neither of us is going down there to personally intervene. Instead, I suggest calling animal control. Small town, no animal control. I guess then I have to call the police. Where is that non-emergency number?

I only see the lab's three legs on the ground, how did he get in that position? Standing at the window with the cordless in my hand I dial the local department. Waiting and watching, I'm stricken with a sick awe and unable to turn away, plus I'm hoping they can work this out on their own. Not likely, now the lab is heading west and the Shepherd east. This is definitely one of those things I've heard of but never have seen for myself.

"Hello, police department," a female voice chirps. "Hmm yes, I have an odd call. There are two dogs stuck together on 5th Avenue North", I'm trying to sound anonymous. She asks " Do you know who the dogs belong to?" "No," I jump in. This is not the point,these animals need help and I'm getting grossed out the longer it goes on. "Okay", she continues,"what is your name and phone number?". This can't be relevant. "Umm, I think they really need help, plus it's below zero today," I changed to focus. "Where again are they?" "They are on 5th avenue north, by the nativity in the Mayor's yard."

Suddenly, the dogs pull apart, landing exhausted in the cold snow. Both sit licking their sore frozen wounds. "Ah, never mind", I quip, " it looks like they've come apart on their own. Thank God for that." Click. Now what. My lovely call will end up in this week's published police blotter.

What about the dogs? I think tomorrow morning I'll call the radio station's on-air classifieds and let everyone know that there will be some cute lab-shepherd cross puppies just in time for spring.

So, y'all, spay and neuter, spay and neuter!